


blanket of silence makes me wanna sink my teeth in deep

by theskyfelldown



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Boys Making Poor Decisions, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Happy Ending, M/M, Nick In A Bathrobe Three Sizes Too Small, Slamming Doors In People's Faces, boys being stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 18:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11167890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskyfelldown/pseuds/theskyfelldown
Summary: Louis really does love Nick in more ways than one. Nick just has to listen.





	blanket of silence makes me wanna sink my teeth in deep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [grimouis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimouis/gifts).



> **ITS HERE. ITS FINALLY HERE. urgh this is just 5k of complete awfulness im sorry for this but it’s my first tomlinshaw fic so show some love maybe, i’d appreciate it!!**  
>  **title taken from back against the wall by cage the elephant**  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/aiioutshirt/) [tumblr](thebloodychambrs.tumblr.com/)  
>  **-fawzul xx**

**Describe a moment when someone touched you exactly the way you wanted to be touched.**

**How did it feel?**

The first time Nick has Louis, it’s a blur between alcohol, terrible music, sweaty skin pressed against each other and Louis whispering into Nick’s neck, asking him to be quiet.

It shouldn’t be surprising when Nick wakes up to Louis leaving his room without another word, without even looking back but it still upsets him.

 

**~*~**

The second time Nick has Louis, it’s Louis crying into his neck to just _take him_.

Nick takes him. He takes every bit of Louis there is but he still wakes up the next morning, empty handed.

**~*~**

 

The fourth time, it’s Louis smiling up at him and Nick pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

It’s Louis staying in bed with Nick the next morning, having breakfast with Nick, ankles hooked under the table. It’s Louis leaving Nick with a kiss on his cheek, his heart splattered across the floor.

 

**~*~**

The last time , it’s Louis pushed up against a wall, Nick mouthing against his neck. It’s the first time Nick says he loves him.

Louis doesn’t say it back.

**~*~**

“Nick,” There’s someone shaking him, “Nick – Nick – fucking hell – wake up.”

Nick wakes up. He opens his eyes, blearily, fingers clutched over his duvet and stares at Harry god damn Styles in his apartment through sleep crusted eyes. “Harry?” He croaks out and squints at the rays of sunlight pouring into his room. He must have forgotten to close the curtains last night when he’d promptly fallen face first into the bed with sheer exhaustion. “What the hell are you doing here?”

The last time, he’d checked, Harry was touring somewhere in Australia. He was not in London – more specifically, he hadn’t been in Nick’s god damn apartment.

Harry narrows his green eyes at him. It’s been so long since Nick’s seen him and his hair’s cut short, Nick had seen it in the papers and he’s sporting a lovely tan – Nick has half the mind to ask him about the surfer dudes back in Australia but Harry beats him to it, “Where’s Lou?”

“Huh?”

“Louis,” Harry repeats, “Where is he?”

Nick pulls the duvets tighter around, ignores the pang in his chest and shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t _know_?”

“Listen,” Nick snaps irritated – it’s his only work day off and he’d been looking forward to kip in the whole day only for Harry Styles to bombard his only agenda that including him sleeping in and cuddling Puppy, “If you wanted to ask where Louis was, why didn’t you call him instead?”

“Because, Nick, he isn’t answering his phone – and I thought he was here. You know, like he is always,”

“Well, he isn’t here – now bug off and let me sleep.” Nick says crossly and pulls his duvet around him tighter and tries to close his eyes only for Harry to shake him awake again . “Yes – what is it? Christ, let me _sleep_.”

“Well?” Harry asks him, “I know you know where he is. Tell me – where is he?”

“Zayn’s,” Nick answers, “I think.”

“You _think_? Jesus Christ – what the hell happened while I was gone?”

“We fought,” Nick says and shrugs, like it’s nothing, because it sort of is nothing now, he guesses. It doesn’t matter anymore. Not when Louis had left him wordlessly. Not when he’d left Nick calling out for him, without even looking back. Not when Louis had reached over and clutched Nick’s heart within his fingers and squeezed tight enough to make every fibre in Nick’s body flinch, torn between the desire to love more or flee.

Not when Louis had left him and it’d been two weeks since they’d talk to each other. Not when Louis hadn’t even bothered to say he loved Nick back – Nick hadn’t expected him to say it back but _fuck_ , did it hurt. Nick was humiliated and wounded. It’d hurt a thousand times more than any other thing Louis had ever spat at him. It’d hurt a thousand times more than any moment they’d fought with each other.

Harry must sense Nick isn’t ready to speak about it because he gets up from the bed and smoothens his shirt, “I’ll be hanging around at your place – I’ll make breakfast – get some rest, will you? You look awful,”

Nick’s already shutting his eyes, “Thanks. Good friend, you are.”

“You know what I mean, twat. Get your beauty sleep – not that it does much – and we can talk later.”

“Mhm,” Nick says into his pillow and tries to ignore his stomach clenching at _later_. Nick hears Harry close the door behind him and shushes Puppy and that’s that.

 

**~*~**

Nick dreams of him saying he loves Louis over and over again and Louis screaming at him to shut the fuck up.

 

**~*~**

It’s noon when Nick trudges out of his room. He’d showered, hair mildly damp, wearing one of Louis’ favourite shirts on him. He’d stared in the mirror, fingers fumbling with every button, trying hard not to think of him. He’d stayed concrete in his belief when he slipped his shirt on and tried to ignore Louis’ voice in his head, making fun of its stupid, ugly print and how it brought out his eyes.

“Oh, you’re up,” Harry comments, barely taking his eyes off the telly. He’s got Puppy sprawled across his lap, fingers idly scratching at the back of her ears. Puppy yaps at him. “There’s breakfast in the kitchen – coffee might’ve run a little cold, though, sorry.”

 “It’s fine,” Nick says because he doesn’t feel hungry, at all, “What are you watching?”

“I don’t know,” Harry answers, eyes trained on the screen. Nick rolls his eyes and fights down the urge to throw a cushion at his face and falls into the sofa opposite of Harry instead.

“So why are you here?”

“Huh?”

Nick reaches over for the remote on the coffee table and promptly switches off the TV. Puppy whines dejected and Harry raises an eyebrow, “Well? Aren’t you supposed to be on tour somewhere in Australia?”

“My last concert was two days ago, Grim,” Harry says, “And besides – we haven’t spoken in forever. I missed you and wanted to see how you were,”

“Right –” Nick waves his arms around, “Well, here I am, then.”

Harry shoots him a look and tilts his head, “What the fuck happened with Louis?” He asks and runs a hand through his hair, “I mean – what happened? I was gone for two bloody weeks.”

“I don’t know,” Nick answers and tries hard not to sound cross because this isn’t Harry’s fault – at all. “Why don’t you ask him? It wasn’t like I was the one who fucking fled when my boyfriend said he loved me.”

“What  are you – oh. _Oh._ ”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, Nick,”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Nick says, “Let’s not talk about it. How about we never ever talk about it ever again?”

Harry gives him a sceptical look and looks at him long enough for Nick to fidget before he sighs, “That’s a bad idea but – fine. Let’s not talk about it, for now, alright?”

“For now,” Nick agrees and switches on the TV. He looks over at Harry, Puppy sprawled across his lap and tries hard not to think about when it’d been Nick and Louis and Puppy cuddling on that very couch just two weeks ago, Nick pressing a kiss into Louis’ forehead and Louis tightening his arms around him.

He closes his eyes instead.

 

**~*~**

“We should go out,” Harry announces and takes a sip of his beer, “Don’t you think we should go out? I think we should.”

Nick barely looks up from his laptop to scowl at him, “Nope – I’ve got work – but you can go outside, by all means.” Nick says, “If it means you’ll stop whining your bleedin’ head off, go for it.”

“What’s the fun in going out without a friend, Grim?” Harry asks, grinning.

“And what’s the fun in going out, period.”

“Jesus Christ,” Harry breathes out and walks over before falling into the sofa right next to Nick. The couch sinks a little at his right, “You’re going to tell me everything that happened with Louis. Right now.”

“No, I’m not.” Nick pushes up his glasses on his nose. They keep on falling off his face. He hates them.

“Yes, you are.” Harry says firmly and reaches over to close the lid of Nick’s laptop. He ignores Nick’s loud cry of protest and places it on the coffee table, “So tell me – what the fuck happened?”

“Well, the gist of it is that I essentially told him I loved him and he ran out of the apartment without another word.” Nick says flatly.

“Fucking hell.” Harry says and takes another sip of his beer. Nick wants a beer. Where’s his god damn beer. “Did you try calling him after that, I mean?”

Nick looks at Harry, like he’s sprouted another head. Harry can be really daft sometimes – even when he’s one of the biggest musicians in the entire world. Apparently, album sales don’t represent intellect. “No – of course not.”

Harry blinks, “Why?”

“I gave him his bloody space – you know how he gets all –” Nick gestures wildly, “And besides he hadn’t even bothered to call me back or text me or just try to fucking talk to me and I’m sick and tired of being the only one even _bothered_ to keep this relationship, for god’s sake.” He takes a deep breath and tries to level his tone. He hasn’t spoken about this to anyone but once he’s started, it’s hard to stop the words from rolling out but Harry simply moves a hand up and down the plane of Nick’s back. It _hurts_ , is the thing. It fucking hurts _._ “It feels like our entire relationship is just one sided, it’s me giving up everything and Louis doing nothing.”

“Nick, you know it’s not like that –” Harry starts, softly but Nick cuts him off.

“But it is. And – I know it doesn’t even matter but he didn’t even say he fucking loved me back. Like we’ve been dating for six god damn months – is it too soon? I don’t think it is.” Nick takes a deep breath, “Fuck him, seriously, fuck him, fuck him, fuck him. He’s a twat – I don’t need him.”

“You should talk to him – you can’t just leave things unresolved like this, you know.” Harry says, shaking his head.

“But I can,” Nick says fiercely, “I don’t need him. I’m over him. I’m done with him.”

Harry doesn’t look too convinced but he shrugs and hands Nick his beer and it’s at that moment Nick knows he’s got the best god damn friend there is.

 

**~*~**

 

Harry is the worst god damn friend there is.

Nick hates him. Harry Styles is absolutely useless – he’s a buffoon, a bloody idiot, pathetic, absolute trash and Nick’s not even sure he’s friends with him anymore. He doesn’t reckon so. He hates him. He tells Harry it.

“You do not hate me.” He huffs, zipping his suitcase shut.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me here alone – leaving me alone to wallow in self pity – I’ve just come out of a break up,” Nick says, shaking his head, “Some good friend, you are. Get out of my house already.”

Harry rolls his eyes and goes into the guest’s bathroom.

He’d been in Nick’s house, only for a mere three days, only now he’s flying to North America for a charity concert somewhere in New York. Nick hates that Harry’s a good person – the selfish bit in him wants him to be at home with Nick. He hates his apartment, it’s too god damn lonely and he’s sure Puppy hates him as well. Puppy’s always there in the corner of some room, nose turned upwards like she _knows_ Nick’s the reason why Louis isn’t there anymore. Nick has a bloody big mouth – couldn’t even shut his trap without scaring away the only good thing that ever happened to him. He’s a bleeding imbecile – Nick wants to hit himself.

 “I’m only flying out for three days, love, I hate to leave you like this but it’s pretty important to me.” Harry says, from the bathroom. Nick sits on the guest bed and picks on the sheets and sighs, hears Harry move around in the bathroom, collecting all his toiletries. Harry Styles is a god damn butterfly, fleeting one from place to the next and Nick can only hold onto him for so long before Harry starts to bat his wings in Nick’s fingers, trying to get away. “I’ll be back before you know it and when I’m back, we can watch bad romcom’s and drink wine and cry and do the whole ritual one does after breaking up.”

“Right,” Nick says – he doesn’t want the ritual. He wants Louis back but he’s too proud to admit it loud. His mum would always chide him for it – his pride, was apparently, one of his worst qualities and he knew it.

“And please, for the love of god, would you please talk to Louis?” Harry says, coming out with his big bag of toiletries. Under normal circumstances, Nick would have antagonised him about it. But he feels dopey and lonely, still miffed at Harry leaving, still miffed at Louis leaving and it’s just like all everyone does is ever leave and Nick despises it. “Just fix things up with him, will you? I get it if you don’t want to go back with him but it’s wrong to leave things like this hanging, alright? It doesn’t feel right and you know it. Fix it before I come back.”

“Easy for you to say,” Nick mumbles.

“Listen,” Harry sighs and puts his clear bag of toiletries into another suitcase. “He misses you, alright?”

Nick raises an eyebrow, “How would you know? You haven’t even spoken to him, he doesn’t even – oh god.” He stops when he sees the guilt in Harry’s face, “You _talked_ to him?” He tries to ignore the pang of anguish. Louis hadn’t even _bothered_ to call back him and Nick wonders for a minute about who the boyfriend actually was in the situation – Nick or Harry? He’s sick and tired of Louis’ games – he just wants him back, is the thing. He just wants him back and he hates himself for it.

 “He’d just returned my calls, Grim,” Harry says, biting my lip, “I asked him how he was and I don’t reckon he’s doing any good.”

“Oh yeah,” Nick can’t help but let out a laugh, cruel even to his own ears, “Because I’m having the time of my life, here, aren’t I?”

“Nick, don’t –” And stops when his phone buzzes. He pulls it out of his pocket and sighs, shoulders rolling forwards. “My car’s here.”

“Right,” His mouth oddly feels like it’s stuffed with cotton, “I’ll help you get your bags.”

Harry stops him before Nick reaches a leather travel bag, “He misses you, Grim. And I know he hasn’t said anything yet – but he does love you, alright?”

“Right,” Nick says because that’s all Nick can come up with because if Louis really did love him, he really did have an awful bloody way of showing it. Harry pulls him to a hug and Nick presses his face into the nape of Harry’s neck and all his thoughts stutter to a halt.

**~*~**

It’s when Nick’s in the shower he hears him.

Nick pauses, hands in his hair and strains in his ears. Nothing. He’s sure he imagined it and worries for a minute on whether he’s turning mental, that he’s actually _hearing_ Louis’ voice for god’s sake. Nick shakes his head to himself and hisses when a drop of shampoo foam gets in his eye.

 “Harry?”

Nick almost slips in the shower and shoots out an arm to grab the towel railing. His eyes widen when he hears Louis’ footsteps halt outside of the bathroom door. Louis knocks on the door, “Harry – you in here? The door was open, you idiot. That really isn’t secure, Harry. Who knows what would happen if someone had let them self in?”

Nick closes his eyes and hits himself on the forehead, for being so utterly _stupid._ He’d forgotten to lock the door when he’d let Harry out and Nick forces down the urge to scream. Because Louis’ out there and Nick’s in here, bloody stark _naked_.

Louis hums, “Are you dead in there?”

“Mhmm,” Nick says, pained.

“Jesus – are you busy in there?” Louis laughs, “My bad – I’ll be in the living room, alright? Oh!” Nick hears Puppy yapping excitedly and Nick clenches his eyes shut and wills himself to stop fucking panicking. It’s just Louis. Fuck – Louis’ out there. “Hi there, Puppy, it’s been too long since I’ve seen you, pup, how you’ve been?” Louis gathers Puppy in his arms and talks to him and Nick physically feels his heart grow with fond and hears Louis’ voice turn faint as he goes into the living room. Nick washes the shampoo out of his hair and chides himself for being so fucking stupid.

Minutes later, Nick’s dried his hair and his body and got one of the bathrobes on him. He stares at his reflection in dismay, the material too short on his arms. It must have been Louis’ but there’s no way in hell is he ever going outside there _naked._ Nick fixes his hair and sighs at himself in the mirror and shakes his head to himself. He’s got to go out there – he’s not going to stay any longer in the bathroom, no matter how appealing it sounds.

Nick twists the door knob and gets out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He hears Louis turn the volume down and gets up from the couch, “Oh, you’re finally here – you take too long on the shower – oh god.”

Nick stuffs his hands into the pockets of his bathrobe and stares at Louis, who’s got his eyes blown wide in panic, Puppy fidgeting in his arms.

“Uhm – what are you – uh – ”

“It’s my apartment and I took a day off work,” Nick cuts him shortly. Louis frowns, “What are _you_ doing here?”

“Harry called me over – he said he’s leaving – and I thought I’d meet him before he left –”

Nick closes his eyes because Harry Styles really is the worst friend ever. Nick despises him – he’s going to rip him into bits the next time he gets his hands on him but stops thinking about him because Louis’ there. Standing in front of him and Nick wants him out of the apartment but mostly, he just wants Louis in his arms and to kiss him.

“He left,” Nick says flatly, “He left an hour ago.”

“Oh,” Louis says and lets go of Puppy who scrambles into Nick’s bedroom, almost like she smells the tension. “Right – well, I’m going to leave then.”

“Right,” Nick tries to stop the bitter disappointment from bubbling inside of him, “Well, the door’s open, so.”

“Yeah,” Louis says and Nick tries not to think about how entirely ridiculous the situation is. Louis’ right there standing in front of him and Nick’s in a robe three sizes too small. He wants to grab Louis and kiss him by the mouth and take back every word he’d ever said to him, if it meant Louis would just come back. Louis looks beautiful, small in a t-shirt, jeans clinging onto his thighs Nick had his mouth on just three weeks before. His blue eyes look dark in the dull corridor light and all Nick ever wants him is to say he loves him back.

“Well, I’m off then.”

Nick walks him to the door. Louis’ out and he turns to smile, albeit a bit sadly, “I’m sorry I really am. For what happened–”

Nick slams the door in his face.

 

**~*~**

 

It’s 3AM when Nick hears someone pounding their fists against his front door.

Nick opens his eyes, alarmed. Puppy’s lying on the bed, her ears pricked, alert. Nick feels every drop of lethargy squeeze out of his body and quickly be replaced by panic. Nick throws off his covers and unplugs the lamp from his bedside table. Puppy chases the lamp cable when Nick slowly walks down the hallway. The noise gets louder and Nick feels his heart rate spike with every slam. He takes a deep breath and looks through the eyehole only to see –

Louis.

Nick furrows his eyebrows and feels annoyance bubble in him, settling heavy like lead. He places the lamp behind the door and puts a hand to his head. What the fuck was Louis doing out here at three in the god damn morning? He unlocks the door and yanks it open.

“Jesus Christ – Louis, what the fuck are you doing here?” Nick hisses out and looks down the hallway, to see whether any one of his neighbours were roused from their sleep.

Louis’ got a hoodie over his hair and he looks knackered, deep purple shadowing his eyes. He rocks on his feet and has the decency to look sheepish. “Can I come inside?”

“Fine.” And only because Nick doesn’t have the energy to cause a scene outside and he’s against the idea of getting a noise complaint against him. “Come on, inside.”

Nick closes the door and sighs out a breath, trying hard to ignore the ball of anxiety at the bottom of his stomach. He’s got no idea why Louis’ out here, what Louis even wants with him and he’s shaken out of his thoughts when Puppy presses her snout against Nick’s calf. Nick bends and scratches her behind the ears and it’s almost like she gets the message before she sets off scampering into the living room.

Louis’ standing in front of him, sharp teeth biting his into lip and it’s almost like he’s radiating this kind of nervous energy. Nick and Louis have never ever been like this. Even before they’d started dating, it was always biting insults and eye rolls and frustrated exhales and after they’d started dating, it was biting insults, eye rolls, frustrated breaths, kisses and intimacy and private smiles, nothing like Nick had ever experienced before. It was addicting – the feeling of being with Louis, belonging to Louis and it was like someone had ripped out a lung when he’d stopped being with Louis. He’d been too attached to him. Looking back, Nick thought that Louis should have come with a god damn warning label.

Nick closes his eyes, “Why are you here?”

“We need to talk.”

“At three in the _morning?_ ”

“Listen,” Louis snaps and there he is, “I couldn’t fucking sleep, alright? I had to say it out loud – I just had to fucking say it – I’ve had enough – it’s eating me alive and _I hate it_.”

As much as Nick wants to hear it – whatever Louis wants to say, he’s had enough. “It’s too late,” Nick says finally, “Whatever you’re going to say isn’t going to change anything, alright? We’re done – we’re over.”

Louis takes a step back, physically recoiling away from Nick. He looks hurt and for one savage moment, Nick thinks _good_ but he hates that he’s done this to him but at least, Louis finally knows what Nick had been going through _all_ this time. “We’re not over.” He says but Nick hears his voice tremble.

“We are,” Nick says, tired. He’s just so _so_ tired and all he wants to do is sleep and get Louis out of their – _his_ apartment. He tries not to think about how he’d stripped his mattress the moment Louis had left him – just to get rid of his smell. “It’s over. What we had is over. It’s too late. You should go home.”

“We’re not over, you bastard,” He says fiercely. “Jesus Christ – how could you say that?”

“I don’t know – why don’t you ask yourself? Wasn’t it you who fucking fled when I told you I loved you? Am I the one who didn’t even _bother_ to call up his boyfriend? It’s two weeks – we’re over. You decided this.”

Louis flinches, like Nick’s words have physically hurt him, “Don’t.” He shudders and all Nick wants to ask is _why are you so fucking scared, dammit.  It’s me. It’s me._ Nick wants to reach out for him and shake him by the shoulder and demand answers, “Don’t, please. Let’s not talk about it, for fucks sake. I didn’t come so we could talk about that.”

“Just – tell me.” Nick says, “Tell me why you don’t fucking love me.”

“Stop talking about it!” Louis says, “Shut the fuck up, please.” It’s the _please_ that gets caught on Nick’s stitches and rips his heart open.

“Why are you here?” Nick asks, “Why are you here? What are you doing here? If you can’t love me then what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Nick,” Louis presses the back of his hands into his eyes, “Shut up, for the love of everything, _be quiet_.”

“I love you, alright?” And it hurts Nick when Louis shakes his head and his hands fall to his sides, “Why? Why are you scared? I know you love me too.”

“I don’t.” Louis says and drags a hand across his face and it looks like he’s aged a million years and Nick feels like it too.

“You do.” Nick says, defiant. “You do love me and I love you too and there’s nothing you can say that could change it. There’s absolutely nothing you can tell me that would change my mind about how I feel about you, alright?”

“Why the fuck does it matter?” Louis asks wildly, “You know how much you mean to me – why does it – why does it matter so much that I have to tell you that to prove how much you mean to me?”

“I don’t know,” Nick says, shaking his head to himself and he’s so incredibly pathetic. He knows he means a lot to Louis but it still hurts that he can’t say it back and it just _hurts_. “But it matters to me.”

“I don’t fucking love you. I couldn’t ever love you,” Louis says, voice biting but he doesn’t look at Nick. He’s turning cold, like he always does when he realizes he’s growing too warm to Nick. It’s a defence mechanism, Nick realizes, a way of shoving Nick back but this time – this time Nick refuses to give into Louis’ ways. Fuck, he loves him. He loves Louis with his whole heart.

“I love you.” Nick says.

And when Louis looks up at him, his blue eyes are glistening with tears and Nick feels his throat dry, just at the sight of him. “Don’t you dare say you love me,” He chokes on a sob, “When you don’t fucking mean it.”

Nick takes a step at him and pulls at his wrist. His heart breaks at the sight of Louis crying, every drop of anger just dissipating into nothingness when he sees Louis’ face. It’s almost like he can’t remember why he was angry with Louis and for a moment, he thinks that it doesn’t even matter.

“I do love you,” Nick says softly and pulls Louis into his chest and Louis’ hands weave around his neck and Nick slouches a little because Louis’ just so small. “I love you so much, alright?”

Louis cries a little harder and presses his face into Nick’s neck and Nick’s heart just fucking – shatters. “I love you so much,” Nick continues, “There’s not a day that I ever wake up thinking that I don’t. I can’t ever imagine not loving you, Lou. You mean so much to me – you mean everything – you mean the world.”

Louis doesn’t say anything but Nick continues, “I know we fight and I know there are days when we just feel like throttling each other,” Louis laughs wetly and Nick counts it as a win, “But I just can’t imagine ever not waking up to you – not loving you – not having you right by my side. It just seems too awful to imagine. I love you so much and it doesn’t matter if you can’t say it back, alright? It’s fine. It doesn’t matter. I just want you here, by my side.”

“God,” Louis breathes out, “Fucking hell.” He pulls himself out of Nick’s grip and for a moment Nick worries whether he’s crossed a line, whether he’s scared Louis again with what he’s said but Louis pulls him and kisses him square on the mouth.

Nick’s brain just fizzes out for a moment. It’s been too long since he’d gotten Louis’ mouth on his and it feels so good, is the thing. Louis pulls back when Nick doesn’t kiss back and raises an eyebrow, “Well?” He demands, “Are you going to kiss me back or not?” And Nick just grins and pulls Louis closer and moves his mouth against Louis’.

Louis groans into his mouth, tongue licking into Nick’s mouth, hand coming up to cup Nick’s jaw and rocks his body against him. Nick feels every cell of his blaze up in the desperate need to get closer to Louis, to have his hands all over him, to get closer and touch Louis, memorize every patch of skin again but Louis pulls back and presses their foreheads against each other, closing his eyes. He’s breathing too fast like Nick and he’s close enough so Nick could count every eyelash brushing against the top of his cheekbones. He’s beautiful and Nick doesn’t understand how lucky he’d got to get him.

“I love you,” Louis says and it’s so quiet Nick almost misses it. Nick pulls Louis closer and hears Puppy bark in the living room, like she agrees with him as well. Nick can’t help but smile.

“I love you too,” He says quietly and they stay there, in the dimly lit corridor, holding on to each other.

 

**~*~**

 

The next time, it’s Louis breathing into his neck, fingers woven into Nick’s hair. Nick looks at him, careful and smiles when he sees Louis, looking at him, eyes blown wide and so incredibly beautiful in the faint light in Nick’s bedroom, Nick’s chest physically hurts at the sight of Louis spread underneath him. He’s so beautiful and he’s all Nick’s.

Louis grins when he catches Nick’s eye and says he loves him.

Nick says it back.

 

**~*~**

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/aiioutshirt/) [tumblr](thebloodychambrs.tumblr.com/)


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